1
00:00:02,486 --> 00:00:03,728
<I>- hot in cleveland is recorded</I>

2
00:00:03,752 --> 00:00:05,094
In front of a live
Studio audience.

3
00:00:05,118 --> 00:00:07,192
- hey.

4
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:08,658
- so how was the
Farmers' market?

5
00:00:08,681 --> 00:00:09,691
- weird.

6
00:00:09,715 --> 00:00:11,056
- in l.A., a farmers' market

7
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,554
Means sushi, pate, and gelato.

8
00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,252
- this was just a bunch of stuff

9
00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:18,351
Grown by farmers.

10
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:20,749
- your mother
Called, by the way.

11
00:00:20,773 --> 00:00:24,447
All: oh, no, - did you
Tell her I was dead?

12
00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,746
Wait. Whose mother called?

13
00:00:25,769 --> 00:00:29,244
- melanie's.
- oh, thank god.

14
00:00:29,268 --> 00:00:30,675
- she wants to come for a visit,

15
00:00:30,699 --> 00:00:32,608
And I told her this
Weekend would be good.

16
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,206
- no!

17
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,505
Why did you say that?

18
00:00:37,529 --> 00:00:41,667
- because I knew this
Would be your reaction.

19
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:44,866
You're fun to fluster.

20
00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:47,397
- oh, come on, your
Mum's as sweet as pie.

21
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:49,362
All mine does is criticize me.

22
00:00:49,386 --> 00:00:53,127
- I like her already.

23
00:00:53,151 --> 00:00:55,559
- at least yours isn't
Insanely overprotective.

24
00:00:55,583 --> 00:00:57,590
All my life my mom
Was afraid I'd get sick

25
00:00:57,614 --> 00:00:59,123
Or hurt or lost.

26
00:00:59,147 --> 00:01:02,154
Halloween... I was only allowed
To trick-or-treat at two houses,

27
00:01:02,178 --> 00:01:03,719
Mine and my grandparents.

28
00:01:03,743 --> 00:01:05,951
And I had to wear my
Coat over my costume.

29
00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:08,017
And then when I
Took the candy home,

30
00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:09,349
I had to throw it away,

31
00:01:09,372 --> 00:01:11,614
Because there might
Be razorblades in it.

32
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,012
- from your grandparents?

33
00:01:14,036 --> 00:01:16,676
- my mother trusted no one.

34
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,774
- well, in my house, it
Was all about my father.

35
00:01:19,798 --> 00:01:22,573
That man is monumentally
Self-absorbed.

36
00:01:22,597 --> 00:01:23,838
- well, my...

37
00:01:23,862 --> 00:01:25,903
- joy, please, I
Am not finished.

38
00:01:25,927 --> 00:01:27,768
He's just one of those
Actors who thinks

39
00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:30,534
The whole world
Revolves around him.

40
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,567
- you know...

41
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,765
- why is everyone
Interrupting me?

42
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:37,030
- my father and I
Argued about everything.

43
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,894
The last fight we had

44
00:01:38,918 --> 00:01:42,781
Was about whether or
Not the gun was loaded.

45
00:01:48,612 --> 00:01:52,818
Two days later, bam-o!

46
00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:54,939
Heart attack.

47
00:01:57,838 --> 00:01:59,214
- oh, my god.

48
00:01:59,238 --> 00:02:02,600
- your parents aren't
Gonna be around forever.

49
00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:06,597
Bam-o!

50
00:02:09,331 --> 00:02:11,805
- you know, I do
Owe my father a visit.

51
00:02:11,828 --> 00:02:14,370
- and I owe my mother a
Son-in-law and grandchild.

52
00:02:14,394 --> 00:02:18,966
I know, because she reminds
Me every two minutes.

53
00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:20,466
- well, my mother is coming.

54
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:23,163
So why don't you just invite
Your dad and your mom here?

55
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:25,362
- oh, my mother would never
Step foot in this country.

56
00:02:25,385 --> 00:02:26,750
That's why I moved here.

57
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,991
- I could invite my
Father, but watch out.

58
00:02:32,015 --> 00:02:34,123
I mean, he hits on
Everything that moves.

59
00:02:34,147 --> 00:02:36,576
- I like him already.

60
00:02:46,804 --> 00:02:50,144
- actually, I feel quite
At home here in cleveland.

61
00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:52,277
When I last played
The play house,

62
00:02:52,301 --> 00:02:55,474
I received six curtain calls

63
00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:59,138
And three hotel keys.

64
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:00,504
- you know when I
Played honor st. Raven...

65
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:03,003
<I>- it was a little gem
Called the tempest.</I>

66
00:03:03,027 --> 00:03:05,534
- you know, victoria could
Have done shakespeare

67
00:03:05,558 --> 00:03:08,132
Had she not squandered
Her talent on television.

68
00:03:08,156 --> 00:03:10,498
<I>- she got fan favorite
Plaque from tv guide.</I>

69
00:03:10,522 --> 00:03:12,430
- not helping.

70
00:03:12,454 --> 00:03:14,927
<I>- she was really very
Good on edge of tomorrow.</I>

71
00:03:14,951 --> 00:03:18,159
- I don't watch that
Much television.

72
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:19,358
- of course not.

73
00:03:19,382 --> 00:03:23,655
It doesn't have a
Mirrored surface.

74
00:03:25,178 --> 00:03:26,186
- sorry about the drill.

75
00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:27,485
My mom couldn't relax

76
00:03:27,509 --> 00:03:30,118
Until she put a dead
Bolt on the back door.

77
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,516
So where were we?

78
00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:35,180
- curtain calls, comma, mine.

79
00:03:35,204 --> 00:03:37,911
I believe I set my personal
Record at the broadhurst...

80
00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:39,177
Ten.

81
00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:40,409
You remember, victoria.

82
00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,675
That was the night I invited
Your sorority sisters

83
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:45,572
To my dressing room.

84
00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:47,139
- yes, yes, I remembered that

85
00:03:47,163 --> 00:03:50,004
To various therapists
For years to come.

86
00:03:50,028 --> 00:03:52,168
- you girls...

87
00:03:52,192 --> 00:03:56,254
You were just asking to
Be robbed and murdered.

88
00:03:57,921 --> 00:03:59,297
Oh, now, can I
Get you anything...

89
00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:01,429
Some more chips or...
Or a cocktail napkin?

90
00:04:01,453 --> 00:04:03,561
- ma, ma, ma, no, we
Just want more of you.

91
00:04:03,585 --> 00:04:05,293
You haven't sat for two minutes.

92
00:04:05,317 --> 00:04:07,058
- oh, no, no, no,
Let me do that.

93
00:04:07,082 --> 00:04:08,879
It's hot.

94
00:04:12,845 --> 00:04:16,385
- mmm, my favorite, hot
Spinach and breath dip.

95
00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:19,549
- you look cold. Are you cold?
- no, I'm fine.

96
00:04:19,573 --> 00:04:21,382
- I'm going to get you my shawl.

97
00:04:21,406 --> 00:04:25,012
- I must say, melanie...
Divorce becomes you,

98
00:04:25,036 --> 00:04:28,411
As it has me, several times.

99
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,608
And, joy, you look
As lovely as ever.

100
00:04:31,632 --> 00:04:33,740
- oh...

101
00:04:33,764 --> 00:04:35,372
Thank you, alex.

102
00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:38,036
You look great too.

103
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,302
- oh, thank you.

104
00:04:39,326 --> 00:04:42,434
I like to think I can still
Play the romantic lead.

105
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:45,087
- I like to think I had
A happy childhood.

106
00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:49,495
Will you please stop smiling?

107
00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:50,561
- I can't.

108
00:04:50,585 --> 00:04:52,126
Deep down I feel bad for you,

109
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:53,859
But everywhere
Else, I'm just so happy

110
00:04:53,883 --> 00:04:57,556
My mother's an ocean away.

111
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,455
- there you are. That's better.

112
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:01,553
- thanks, mom. Thanks. Now,
Will you please sit down?

113
00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:02,719
- oh, of course.

114
00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:05,817
Oh! But first I have to give you

115
00:05:05,841 --> 00:05:07,816
Your housewarming present.

116
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,715
Now, I didn't know
What you needed,

117
00:05:09,739 --> 00:05:12,313
So I just brought
You some sunscreen

118
00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:14,599
And a new rape whistle.

119
00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:17,875
- gee, thanks.

120
00:05:17,899 --> 00:05:22,539
'cause nothing warms a
Home like a rape whistle.

121
00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:25,937
Somebody's getting cranky.
Your blood sugar must be low.

122
00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:29,135
Here, eat some cheese.

123
00:05:29,159 --> 00:05:31,799
Oh, are you still having trouble

124
00:05:31,823 --> 00:05:35,085
With your irritable bowel?

125
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:40,316
Her sister used to
Call her "Smellanie."

126
00:05:42,449 --> 00:05:47,422
- we used to call
Victoria "Sticktoria"...

127
00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:50,320
Built like a boy.

128
00:05:55,673 --> 00:05:58,281
- I'm sorry.

129
00:05:58,305 --> 00:06:02,777
I'm just so happy.

130
00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:05,077
- what just happened?

131
00:06:05,101 --> 00:06:07,241
- I suddenly felt a chill.

132
00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:11,138
It's almost like there's a
Sinister presence in the room.

133
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,903
- good news, joy...

134
00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:14,669
Your mother came after all.

135
00:06:14,693 --> 00:06:18,155
She's my new internet buddy.

136
00:06:22,588 --> 00:06:24,263
- mother?

137
00:06:24,287 --> 00:06:25,495
- oh, dear god.

138
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,792
What's going on
Around your eyes?

139
00:06:28,816 --> 00:06:30,491
- how did this happen?

140
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,791
- elka video-messaged me back

141
00:06:32,815 --> 00:06:36,121
After you so rudely logged
Off on me the other day.

142
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,520
- well, you'd already
Criticized my hair,

143
00:06:38,544 --> 00:06:40,118
My clothes, and my posture.

144
00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:42,483
I thought we were done.

145
00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:44,382
- you know, rejoyla,
When you're snarky,

146
00:06:44,406 --> 00:06:48,101
Something unfortunate
Happens to your face.

147
00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:53,365
- she knows. I tell
Her all the time.

148
00:06:58,296 --> 00:07:00,171
- so this is where
You two are hiding.

149
00:07:00,195 --> 00:07:01,870
- yeah, I told my
Mom I smelled gas.

150
00:07:01,894 --> 00:07:04,101
That should keep
Her busy for a while.

151
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:05,334
- oh, it's crazy, I know,

152
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,767
But what, my father's
Been here two days,

153
00:07:06,791 --> 00:07:07,900
And I'm reverting

154
00:07:07,924 --> 00:07:10,763
To this 12-year-old
Needy little girl again.

155
00:07:10,787 --> 00:07:12,296
Do you know I became an actress

156
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,161
Because I thought it
Would get his attention?

157
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:15,427
- I thought you said

158
00:07:15,451 --> 00:07:18,891
It was because the drama
Geeks had better drugs.

159
00:07:18,915 --> 00:07:21,556
- I didn't say it was
The only reason.

160
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:23,488
- well, my mom hasn't
Let me leave the house

161
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:24,787
Since she got here.

162
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,586
It's my childhood
All over again.

163
00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:29,051
She just wants me to
Stay at home and eat.

164
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:32,482
I was raised like a veal.
- hmm.

165
00:07:32,506 --> 00:07:35,814
That's better than
Being raised by a ham...

166
00:07:35,838 --> 00:07:38,600
Who tries to pork everybody.

167
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:43,341
- I don't know what you
Two are complaining about.

168
00:07:43,365 --> 00:07:45,306
Your parents are
Leaving tomorrow.

169
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:47,971
Mine's gone viral.

170
00:07:47,995 --> 00:07:49,970
- you know, if I thought
It would do any good,

171
00:07:49,994 --> 00:07:51,602
I would tell my father off.

172
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:53,733
He just wants what he
Wants when he wants it

173
00:07:53,757 --> 00:07:56,132
Without any regard for
How it might affect me.

174
00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:57,831
- boy, I would just love

175
00:07:57,855 --> 00:08:00,396
To tell my mom
How I really feel.

176
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:03,294
- why do americans always
Feel that spewing their emotions

177
00:08:03,318 --> 00:08:05,293
Will make them feel better?

178
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:07,625
In britain, if we
Have a family dispute,

179
00:08:07,649 --> 00:08:09,556
We follow a
Time-honored tradition

180
00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:12,221
Passed down from one
Generation to another.

181
00:08:12,245 --> 00:08:13,686
- what's that?

182
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:17,051
- we get rat-assed drunk.

183
00:08:17,075 --> 00:08:19,849
I'll be back with more wine.

184
00:08:19,873 --> 00:08:21,415
- no, no, no. No, no.

185
00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:23,113
No, you do the shot first,

186
00:08:23,137 --> 00:08:25,678
Then the beer.

187
00:08:25,702 --> 00:08:26,944
- brilliant.

188
00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:30,729
Wait till I tell
The garden club.

189
00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:38,325
- oh, hi, joy.

190
00:08:40,026 --> 00:08:43,533
I'll leave you two.
I've got work to do.

191
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:47,486
These tracksuits don't
Bedazzle themselves.

192
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:52,559
- hello, mum.

193
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:56,190
- darling, don't slouch.

194
00:08:56,214 --> 00:08:58,256
- I'm standing
Perfectly straight.

195
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,386
- and that's just sad.

196
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:04,774
Speaking of sad, are
You dating anyone?

197
00:09:06,673 --> 00:09:08,882
- bye, mum.

198
00:09:08,906 --> 00:09:11,214
- having a bit of a dustup
With the dear old mater?

199
00:09:11,238 --> 00:09:12,512
- oh, you know.

200
00:09:12,536 --> 00:09:16,176
- you don't have
To tell me. I intuit.

201
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,742
I also see someone
In... In dire need

202
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,373
Of some tension reduction.

203
00:09:20,397 --> 00:09:22,806
Here, let's get
The ball rolling.

204
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,536
- oh, that's quite
All right, mr. Chase.

205
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,369
- oh, please. Alex.

206
00:09:27,393 --> 00:09:30,999
Mr. Chase is what it says
On my dressing-room door.

207
00:09:31,023 --> 00:09:33,565
- oh, hey, it's my good friend,

208
00:09:33,589 --> 00:09:35,863
Your daughter, victoria.

209
00:09:35,887 --> 00:09:39,194
- you have got to be kidding me.

210
00:09:39,218 --> 00:09:42,658
- I'll just go drink
This on the porch.

211
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,490
- victoria...

212
00:09:44,514 --> 00:09:48,887
- daddy, I think it's time that
You and I had a little talk.

213
00:09:48,911 --> 00:09:51,152
- where's victoria?
- having a chat with her dad.

214
00:09:51,176 --> 00:09:53,283
- what happened to
Getting rat-assed drunk?

215
00:09:53,307 --> 00:09:56,814
- it's too late for her. We
Can only save ourselves.

216
00:09:56,838 --> 00:09:59,313
- I've sniffed
Everywhere... No gas.

217
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,144
But I'm a little
Concerned about radon.

218
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,943
- ma, you can't smell radon.

219
00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:06,308
- that's what concerns me.

220
00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:09,272
- why don't you just go
Get dressed for dinner?

221
00:10:09,296 --> 00:10:11,471
- oh, why don't we just stay in?

222
00:10:11,495 --> 00:10:12,837
- ma, I already told you

223
00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:14,469
I would like to take
You out to dinner.

224
00:10:14,493 --> 00:10:15,702
I made reservations.

225
00:10:15,726 --> 00:10:17,867
- but it's getting dark.

226
00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:21,998
And most car accidents
Happen at dusk.

227
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,463
- ma, you know what?

228
00:10:23,487 --> 00:10:25,462
You got to stop, 'cause
You're driving me crazy.

229
00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:28,559
- oh, uh, I'll just
Go drink this

230
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:31,924
Somewhere where people aren't.

231
00:10:31,948 --> 00:10:36,620
- I think we need to talk.

232
00:10:36,644 --> 00:10:38,886
Oh, my god. My skin is tingling.

233
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:40,884
- that was such a rush.
- I know.

234
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,550
My adrenaline is really pumping.

235
00:10:42,574 --> 00:10:43,982
Do you think that
Burns calories?

236
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:46,880
I feel like it does.
I'm gonna order fries.

237
00:10:46,904 --> 00:10:49,578
- first, I told I was upset
Because he hit on joy.

238
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:51,277
And that led to how
He ignores my feelings

239
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,376
And belittles my career.

240
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,341
And then I just went to town.

241
00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:57,206
- me too!

242
00:10:57,230 --> 00:11:00,071
I told my mom no more
Dead bolts or rape whistles.

243
00:11:00,095 --> 00:11:01,770
Being afraid is no
Way to live your life.

244
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,268
And then I turned it on her.

245
00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:05,534
I said, "For once in your
Life, take a damn risk!"

246
00:11:05,558 --> 00:11:09,099
Yes, I said "Damn" to my mother.

247
00:11:09,123 --> 00:11:10,897
- I said damn too.

248
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,296
I said, "Listen, daddy.

249
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,227
"You keep your damn
Hands off my friends

250
00:11:14,251 --> 00:11:15,993
And start hitting on
Women your own age."

251
00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:17,292
- you go, girl!

252
00:11:17,316 --> 00:11:19,724
Wait, do people still say that?

253
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,922
- no, I mean, drag queens maybe.

254
00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:25,586
But I really appreciate
The sentiment.

255
00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:27,551
- oh, where did you get that?
- at the bar.

256
00:11:27,575 --> 00:11:30,616
Are you two still celebrating?
- yes, and it feels great.

257
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,448
- you know what? You
Should try it with your mom,

258
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:33,980
Because if you don't
Tell her how you feel,

259
00:11:34,004 --> 00:11:35,146
She's not gonna change.

260
00:11:35,170 --> 00:11:37,778
- I keep telling you
People never change.

261
00:11:37,802 --> 00:11:39,910
That's why instead of
Confronting my mum,

262
00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:43,740
I've consumed an
Entire bottle of wine.

263
00:11:43,764 --> 00:11:46,272
- you don't seem that drunk.
- oh, we english never do.

264
00:11:46,296 --> 00:11:50,136
The alcohol is neutralized
By our bottled-up anger.

265
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,935
- that doesn't
Sound very healthy.

266
00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:54,100
- oh, I'm sure I'll die
Well before my time.

267
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:55,932
It's better than seeing
The heartbroken look

268
00:11:55,956 --> 00:11:57,993
On my mum's face
If I did tell her off.

269
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:04,293
My mom did seem a little
Crushed when I left.

270
00:12:04,317 --> 00:12:07,090
- yeah, my dad
Seemed pretty upset,

271
00:12:07,114 --> 00:12:08,590
And I could tell it was real,

272
00:12:08,614 --> 00:12:10,588
Because he didn't
Use any gestures

273
00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:13,186
Or cheat to his good side.

274
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,585
- I feel bad.

275
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,917
- me too.

276
00:12:16,941 --> 00:12:20,748
- my mom's probably
At home in bed crying.

277
00:12:20,772 --> 00:12:23,413
- and daddy's
Probably feeling old...

278
00:12:23,437 --> 00:12:26,777
And unloved.

279
00:12:26,801 --> 00:12:28,443
- we should go
Home and apologize.

280
00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:30,707
Joy, do you need
To pay for that?

281
00:12:30,731 --> 00:12:32,240
- no. It's free-hamburger night.

282
00:12:32,264 --> 00:12:33,439
I just got it off the bar.

283
00:12:33,463 --> 00:12:37,370
- there's no such thing
As free-hamburger night.

284
00:12:37,394 --> 00:12:41,900
- oh, I suppose the missing
Bite should have tipped me off.

285
00:12:41,924 --> 00:12:45,120
I guess I'm drunker
Than I thought.

286
00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:51,659
Mom?

287
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:55,257
Ma, you awake?

288
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,522
Hey.

289
00:12:57,546 --> 00:12:59,654
I'm sorry to bother you.

290
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:02,053
I just... I wanted to
Apologize about earlier.

291
00:13:02,077 --> 00:13:04,984
- apology accepted. You
Were absolutely right.

292
00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:06,716
Uh, can we talk about
This in the morning?

293
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,981
- oh, yeah, sure.

294
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,214
Oh, ma.

295
00:13:10,238 --> 00:13:12,412
- oh, sweetie, you
Don't have to hug me.

296
00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:15,331
- well, of course
I want to hug you.

297
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:20,672
Is that a foot?

298
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:25,336
- I certainly hope so.

299
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,957
- actually, I've
Never been measured.

300
00:13:34,054 --> 00:13:35,729
- what is going on here?
What are you doing?

301
00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:37,693
- nothing, yet.

302
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,892
- no, no. Nothing ever.

303
00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:41,157
You're a married woman.

304
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:44,122
- you're the one that
Told me to take a risk.

305
00:13:44,146 --> 00:13:48,719
- I meant like driving at night

306
00:13:48,743 --> 00:13:52,283
Or eating something hot
You don't blow on first.

307
00:13:52,307 --> 00:13:55,837
- I could say
Something, but I won't.

308
00:13:57,703 --> 00:14:00,178
- what's all the noise in here?

309
00:14:00,202 --> 00:14:02,509
- daddy, what are you doing?

310
00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:04,308
- exactly what
You told me to do.

311
00:14:04,332 --> 00:14:05,841
Loretta's not one
Of your friends.

312
00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:06,973
She's my age.

313
00:14:06,997 --> 00:14:10,870
- well, actually I'm...
- approximately.

314
00:14:10,894 --> 00:14:12,869
- I'm sorry. I just need
To not be here right now.

315
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,767
This is unbelievable.

316
00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:17,265
And to think that I came
Here to apologize to you.

317
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,864
- what's going on in here?

318
00:14:18,888 --> 00:14:22,918
Whoa, philipa, you called it.

319
00:14:25,318 --> 00:14:27,125
- how could you possibly think

320
00:14:27,149 --> 00:14:29,124
That this is what I
Was talking about?

321
00:14:29,148 --> 00:14:33,322
- rejoyla, move. I can't see.

322
00:14:33,346 --> 00:14:37,485
- well, look who's here.
Aren't we enchanting?

323
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,984
- could you at least
Have the decency

324
00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:42,614
To wait until you're out
Of one friend's mother's bed

325
00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:45,780
Before you hit on another one?

326
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,278
- certainly move on quickly.

327
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:50,276
It wasn't an hour ago, you were
Giving me the old reach-around.

328
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,963
- maybe if you didn't slap
On the makeup with a trowel.

329
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,892
- I'd high-five you if I could.

330
00:15:02,659 --> 00:15:03,967
- I'm in shock.

331
00:15:03,991 --> 00:15:07,464
I thought my parents
Had a happy marriage.

332
00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:10,861
- I thought my third
Husband was straight.

333
00:15:10,885 --> 00:15:14,226
Well, you see what
You want to see.

334
00:15:14,249 --> 00:15:15,558
- psst. Psst.

335
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,513
Over here.

336
00:15:19,214 --> 00:15:22,220
- mum?
- elka left me here.

337
00:15:22,244 --> 00:15:23,486
We had a row.

338
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,818
She said you
Weren't very bright.

339
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,550
And I said you're
Extremely bright.

340
00:15:27,574 --> 00:15:30,248
You're just lazy.

341
00:15:30,272 --> 00:15:32,481
What's going on?

342
00:15:32,505 --> 00:15:34,412
- well, right now
Alex and loretta

343
00:15:34,436 --> 00:15:38,243
Are making the walk of
Shame down the hallway.

344
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:41,640
We'll give you
Four some privacy.

345
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:45,305
- melanie, I just feel terrible.

346
00:15:45,329 --> 00:15:48,735
I hurt my little girl.

347
00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:50,900
- you know what? Maybe
That's the problem...

348
00:15:50,924 --> 00:15:53,432
'cause I'm not your
Little girl anymore.

349
00:15:53,456 --> 00:15:54,431
We're all adults,

350
00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:57,996
And this is a very
Adult situation.

351
00:15:58,020 --> 00:15:59,794
So why don't we just
Talk to one another...

352
00:15:59,818 --> 00:16:02,260
Adult-to-adult.

353
00:16:02,284 --> 00:16:05,590
- okay. Well...

354
00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:10,908
Your father and I haven't
Had sexual relations in years.

355
00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:19,015
- okay.

356
00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:21,913
- and a woman...

357
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:24,366
Has needs.

358
00:16:27,732 --> 00:16:29,407
- true.

359
00:16:29,431 --> 00:16:33,627
- you see, I was merely
Scratching her itch.

360
00:16:37,859 --> 00:16:40,234
- in other words, you were
Taking advantage of her.

361
00:16:40,258 --> 00:16:41,732
- no.

362
00:16:41,756 --> 00:16:44,064
I wanted it...

363
00:16:44,088 --> 00:16:46,662
Badly.

364
00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:49,560
- good to know.

365
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:52,026
- your father won't
Even get a prescription

366
00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:54,890
For erectile dysfunction.

367
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:58,987
- well, that's an issue
I've never had to deal with.

368
00:16:59,011 --> 00:17:01,119
I dare say I had more
Encores in the bedroom

369
00:17:01,143 --> 00:17:03,650
Than I've had on the stage.

370
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,082
- oh, daddy, really?

371
00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:08,813
- ah, I-I-I'm sensing

372
00:17:08,837 --> 00:17:11,311
That's one of the
"All about me" moments

373
00:17:11,335 --> 00:17:13,843
You were referring to before.

374
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,741
- ma, you know...

375
00:17:16,765 --> 00:17:18,540
I know you're going
Through a tough time,

376
00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:20,505
But if you're really
That unhappy with daddy,

377
00:17:20,529 --> 00:17:21,604
You need to talk to him.

378
00:17:21,628 --> 00:17:23,037
- you're right.

379
00:17:23,061 --> 00:17:24,802
But you're also right

380
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:30,232
About me needing
To take more risks.

381
00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:35,061
So when alex came up
Behind me and cupped...

382
00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:38,393
- oh!

383
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:41,357
Moving on.

384
00:17:41,381 --> 00:17:43,988
- I see you moving to a new city

385
00:17:44,012 --> 00:17:46,620
And going for what you want.

386
00:17:46,644 --> 00:17:49,152
You're so brave.

387
00:17:49,176 --> 00:17:52,139
I wanted to be like you.

388
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,970
- mom.

389
00:17:58,069 --> 00:17:59,444
- in hindsight,

390
00:17:59,468 --> 00:18:03,242
Perhaps I might have
Been a bit more sensitive,

391
00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:07,072
Taken your feelings into
Consideration a bit more

392
00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:11,202
Before I so innocently
Flirted with your friends...

393
00:18:11,226 --> 00:18:13,336
And their mothers.

394
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:18,532
- well, I suppose I
Could stay mad at you...

395
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,430
Or I could accept
You the way you are,

396
00:18:20,454 --> 00:18:21,596
The way you've always been,

397
00:18:21,619 --> 00:18:24,060
And the way you will
Be until the day you die.

398
00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:28,190
But I really do hope
That you live forever,

399
00:18:28,214 --> 00:18:30,324
Because I love you.

400
00:18:30,348 --> 00:18:33,387
- what a lovely speech.

401
00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:36,019
- yes, I believe you delivered
That to dr. Stewart boyd

402
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:37,818
<I>on edge of tomorrow.</I>

403
00:18:37,842 --> 00:18:40,749
- you did watch the show.

404
00:18:40,773 --> 00:18:43,781
- I've caught a
Few occasionally...

405
00:18:43,805 --> 00:18:46,612
Rubbish for the most
Part, but, uh, I must say...

406
00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:50,310
Your scenes were quite moving.

407
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:54,039
- oh, thank you, daddy.

408
00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:57,538
- americans are such saps.

409
00:18:57,561 --> 00:19:00,235
- all that emotional spillage.

410
00:19:00,259 --> 00:19:02,101
- indeed.

411
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:03,933
- we're good, right?

412
00:19:03,957 --> 00:19:06,064
- of course, my girl.

413
00:19:06,088 --> 00:19:07,464
- good night, mum.

414
00:19:07,488 --> 00:19:11,217
- you're as drunk
As I am, aren't you?

415
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,779
- I certainly am.

416
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:30,281
- ah. Good evening.

417
00:19:30,305 --> 00:19:32,114
Couldn't sleep.

418
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,245
Perhaps I'll have some hot milk.

419
00:19:34,269 --> 00:19:35,344
- I couldn't either.

420
00:19:35,368 --> 00:19:36,610
I-I wanted to finish this,

421
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,608
But my bedazzler
Keeps getting stuck.

422
00:19:39,632 --> 00:19:43,394
- maybe I can help. Let me see.

423
00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:49,236
- really?

424
00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:51,500
Do you think I'm
Just another one

425
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,266
Of these silly women
Who can't resist

426
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:56,596
Your dime-store charm?

427
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,495
- my apologies.

428
00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:02,226
- I didn't say stop.